Some people come back from a psychedelic experience talking about universal love and yet still cannot have a difficult conversation with their partner. Others have understood that the ego is an illusion and therefore no longer see any need to apologize. It is not hypocrisy. It is a very human mechanism, and it has a name: spiritual bypassing.
This article explains what it is, why psychedelics make it easier, how to recognize it and what to do about it. We write it with no wish to point the finger at anyone: almost everyone who takes an interest in these subjects falls into it at some point, ourselves included.
What spiritual bypassing is
The term was coined in the 1980s by the American psychologist John Welwood. He used it to describe something he observed in meditation communities: the tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds and unfinished tasks of personal development.
The image of the bypass is exact. Like a ring road, it lets you skirt the city center. You get to a pleasant place sooner, but what was in the center is still there.
You do not need to be religious to fall into it. Any lofty framework will do: consciousness, energy, personal growth, the science of psychedelics.
Why psychedelics make it easier
- They offer accessible peak states. Unity, peace, unconditional love. It is tempting to conclude that this is your real state and that everything else is noise.
- They give very convincing insights. Feeling with total certainty that everything is fine can be used later to avoid looking at what is not.
- They can be repeated. If life starts to hurt again, there is always another ceremony.
- They come with a vocabulary. Letting go, flowing, trusting, not judging. Useful words that also serve to shut down any uncomfortable conversation.
- They give identity. Feeling like an awakened person protects you from feeling vulnerable.
How it shows up
Some common forms, with phrases you may recognize:
- Compulsory positivity. Everything happens for a reason. Only love exists. There is no room for anger, envy or sorrow.
- Premature forgiveness. I have already forgiven my father, said three days after an experience, without yet having felt what there was to forgive.
- Detachment as escape. It does not affect me, I am beyond that. It often means I cannot get close to it.
- Dissolving problems into the cosmic. It is all illusion, it is all ego. It serves to avoid paying a debt or saying sorry.
- Dodging responsibility. That is your process, that is yours, I am only a mirror. It turns anyone else’s complaint into the other person’s problem.
- Subtle superiority. Dividing the world into those who have seen and those who are still asleep.
- Collecting experiences. Retreats, ceremonies and workshops one after another, each deeper than the last, with no changes in daily life.
- Neglecting the concrete. The body, money, work or commitments become minor matters.
What is not bypassing
It is worth not turning the concept into a weapon. Not everything luminous is avoidance.
- Feeling joy, gratitude or peace after an experience is not bypassing.
- Having a spiritual life is not bypassing.
- Choosing not to stir up a subject at a particular moment, because you do not have the strength, is taking care of yourself.
- Real forgiveness exists. It usually comes after feeling, not instead of feeling.
The difference lies not in the content but in the function. The useful question is what I am using this for: to move closer to my life or to move away from a part of it.
How to recognize it in yourself
It is hard to see from the inside, because it feels like progress. These questions help:
- Is there any emotion that I no longer allow myself to feel since the experience?
- Is there a subject I cannot talk about without resorting to a stock phrase?
- Do the people close to me say I am more present, or further away?
- Do I use what I learned to understand others or to be right?
- What concrete problem in my life is exactly the same as before?
- What would happen if I could never have an experience like that again? What would I be left with?
One fairly reliable sign is your reaction to the concept itself. If reading this irritates you a lot, perhaps there is something to look at.
What to do if you recognize yourself
There is no need to disown what you went through. The experience may have been valuable and, at the same time, be in use to avoid something. Both things coexist.
Come back to the concrete
Choose the most down-to-earth piece of unfinished business you have: a conversation, an apology, a visit to the doctor, some paperwork. Do it. That is where integration shows. There are practical ideas in integration exercises.
Make room for what does not fit
Anger, sadness, fear, envy. They are not a failure of your process. They are part of it. Writing about them without correcting them with a pretty phrase is a good start.
Ask for an honest opinion
Ask someone who loves you and does not share your enthusiasm how you have seemed to them these past months. Listen without explaining yourself.
Put the brakes on experiences
If you have had several in a row, stop. See what remains when there is no next date on the calendar. We cover this in how long integration lasts and how to know if you are making progress.
Look for company that does not always agree with you
A good group or a good companion welcomes what you went through and also asks about what goes unmentioned. If everything around you is celebrated and nothing is questioned, a part is missing.
A link with ego dissolution
Experiences of loss of self are especially fertile ground. Having felt that there is no self can end up feeding a very solid identity: that of someone who has transcended. We discuss it in ego dissolution: what it is and how to make sense of it afterward.
Support without shortcuts
At RILOFU we understand integration as work with the luminous and with the uncomfortable, without dogma. We do not sell or supply substances. The big picture is in what psychedelic integration is.
→ Book a free first consultation
Sources
- Welwood, J. Toward a Psychology of Awakening: Buddhism, Psychotherapy, and the Path of Personal and Spiritual Transformation. Shambhala, 2000.
- Masters, R. A. Spiritual Bypassing: When Spirituality Disconnects Us from What Really Matters. North Atlantic Books, 2010.